Monday- As I awoke at some silly time between 2am and 3am, the tasks, therapies, doctor appointments, house chores, OVC work, and social connections I both wanted to make and needed to make screamed in my head.
I told myself, “THIS IS NOT NORMAL OR ACCEPTABLE!!” After all, because of my own medical emergency (I was used to handling my kids’ extra needs and emergencies) after Christmas, I was supposed to be readjusting schedules, taking time to care for myself, reframing expectations. I was supposed to be taking better care of myself. But you know what? All that felt like MORE on a list where I almost always felt I fell short. That self-care list.
This was no good. This would not do.
The noise in my head, the multiple open tabs, were so loud I had to get out of bed and sit on the couch with my thoughts. At 3am. So I wrote things out. Shuffled tasks around, prioritized. Made plans. I wrote the daily schedule on the whiteboard that is a staple decor piece in my living room. A freaking white board in my living room! Sheesh. 
Around 3:30am, a pair of little feet padded down the hallway. Our 2 year old found me. He always does. “Momma. Bed, in?” He was asking me to come to bed with him. It was what I needed. Because although my brain said I was too busy to stop, my heart melted and told me toddler cuddles was the progress I needed.
So while I chastised myself a little for going down a schedule/task rabbit hole, the little hand in mine reminded me to honor the space I am in right now, striving to make progress, not perfection.
-Amanda
